Monday, April 24, 2017

Cate Picked My #CHEAPDATE

This Cheap Date was picked by Cate Beaumont! I was lucky enough to hang out with a lot of my writer friends this past weekend so the next two reviews will be hand-picked for me by some fantastic ladies.

Cate, picked this one because “Momma needs a juice box”. I couldn’t agree more.

**IMPORTANT NOTE** I didn't wear makeup for this. So yes. Those are my bags. I earned those after all my hard work at the con yesterday.

Tonight’s juice is another boxed wine. This time by a company called Provisions. It’s a Cabernet Sauvignon. And the box says it’s “No 3061”. Sooooo…is this a limited edition? It does have cursive on the box.

They don’t even teach that in school anymore. Maybe they’re making it in cursive so the kids can’t read it, and won't know it's booze.

This drink is 12.5% Alcohol, and has red berries on the front of a recyclable package. We paid $4.99 from the nearest Kroger, and it was on sale. According to the box, this thing has three glasses of wine in it. They obviously pour wine very differently than I do.



FIRST SNIFF

The good part? Screw off top. This is a great bit of wine to travel with. No need to worry about finding a cork screw. Although with the folks I visit, that’s not usually a problem.

It smells very strongly of fruit. The side of the box says it’s “generous with blackberry and cassis flavors”. What the hell is cassis? Dammit. Now I have to google shit. This wine might be too damn fancy for me.

Wait…according to Wikipedia, Cassis is a tourist destination. Sooo…my wine tastes like tourists in France? Tourists are covered in sunscreen and sweat. That does not sound appealing. Or do French tourists taste different? Do I want to know what French tourists taste like?

Let’s travel a little further down the google page. We should give page 4 a chance every once in a while, right?

Wait…Cassis is a hashtag? I need to see this. Also…squirrel!

I don’t need to know what this stuff is. I like the idea that I’m drinking tourists. Let’s see how they pour.

FIRST POUR

These little boxes pour in an odd rhythmic piddle. It’s a deep ruby color and has nice drag on the glass. Still smells very strongly of fruit. And apparently French people.


FIRST SIP
NOT as sweet as it smells. Does this mean French tourists aren’t sweet?

But it does have a full-bodied flavor, and has the nice tummy warming slide down my throat. It’s got a great bite to the end of the sip, and I really enjoy it!







HUBBY TEST

Since I’ve had my hubby taste almost every wine, I figured I should have him try them as part of my review process going forward. He's free labor. 

Hubby sniffed the glass three times and grimaced before taking a drink. So basically he was a kid who knew he wasn’t going to like it from the beginning. Punk.

But he did try it and my sweet-drink loving hubby immediately demanded a palate cleanser and guzzled some mountain dew.

So…for my sweet lovers…this is not your jam.

FINAL VERDICT

I really enjoyed this one. And ya know what? Cate wanted me to have a juicebox. So…I’ll have my juicebox. Put this bastard in my lunch any day.

Just pack a straw and you're all set!


Thanks to Cate Beaumont for picking my Cheap Date for tonight, and if you want to enjoy more of her good taste, you can check out her book. Lucky Strike, Book 1 in the Lucky, Kentucky series is available now.

Congrats on the release, my friend. And thanks for momma’s juice box!


To find Roxy's books with buy links and what she has coming up next check out her website at RoxyRocksMe.com







Monday, April 3, 2017

Coloring in the lines?

Here's a real April Fools trick on me. As part of the second billionaire set I'm in, I'm required to get a coloring book page made for my story, for a giveaway prize.

I know they want beautiful artwork, so for me "get" translates into "pay someone else to draw it."

I never really got good a coloring in the lines.

Don't get me wrong--I love a well-colored page. My next door neighbor could color dragons and butterflies that looked ready to leap off the page. Those pictures made my heart sing.

Me? As a kid, I was more into scribbling the brightest colors I could in the general direction of the middle. Later, I took to drawing naughty parts on the models, lol.

What about you? Love to color? What are your favorite types pictures to bring to life?


Check out this great set! 7 stories, 99 pennies.
AmazonB&N

Saturday, April 1, 2017

New Line of Books Coming Soon!

Cover Art by Jayne Rylon
I'm super excited to announce a new venture I'm going to be undertaking.

After seeing the success of Adult Versions of Early Reader books like "Go The Fuck To Sleep", I've decided to re-release my books in a classic early reader book format!

I'm super excited to release the R-Rated Simple Language Romances!

Now...these books are definitely not for Children, but rather for the adult who wants to feel the innocence of childhood meshed with the quick read time of picture books.

I'm still looking for an illustrator, but without further ado, I'd like to give you the first installment of the series.

This is "Virgin on Human" in Early Reader format. Enjoy!






See Coral. See Coral clean. See Coral clean the palace. Coral doesn't need sleep. Coral is a robot.

See Quinn. See Quinn dance. See Quinn dance with Coral. Coral likes dancing. Coral meets new friends. Where did her new friends go? Coral decides she likes Quinn best.

Quinn takes Coral back to the palace. Coral's body is happy. Coral takes off her clothes to show Quinn. Quinn doesn't know what to do. Quinn decides to help Coral.

Coral likes Quinn. Quinn likes Coral. They run to the cabin to "play" together. Coral likes to play without clothes.

The DMA catches Coral. Quinn is angry. Quinn rescues Coral from the DMA. 

Quinn was sad before he met Coral. Coral makes Quinn happy again. Coral reminds Quinn being different is okay. They can be different together.

Quinn and Coral live happily ever after.

THE END. 




Well? What do you think? Do you think I've got a hit on my hands? I bet I could have some fun with the art for the Hart Clan too.

Which book should I transcribe next? And should I turn them into audio books? I'd love your feedback!

~Roxy

To find Roxy's books with buy links and what she has coming up next check out her website at RoxyRocksMe.com

Monday, March 20, 2017

4 Authors. 7 Stories. Lots of Smexy Pranks for April Fool's Day.






The April Fools For Love Boxset is HERE!







This is the third year we've celebrated April Fool's Day with our blog. And as our thank you to all of you who have hung around with us, the Lusty Linguists grabbed 7 of our April Fool's For Love stories and bundled them together for one great price.


We've partnered with Drakon Press to bring you an Amazon Exclusive bundle.

99 cents gets you over 500 pages of snark, snickers, and spice.

Or if you have Kindle Unlimited, you can read these stories for FREE!

If you've missed some of our stories, now is the time to grab them all for the price of one! Need to check your library? Here are the titles included with this set.

From Roxy Mews

Bottled Up and When the Lights Go Out

From Mary Hughes

Cin Wikkid and Biting Serendipity

From S.L. Carpenter

Toy Story and Fringe Benefits

From Kayleigh Malcolm

Must Love Menage



This Amazon Exclusive deal won't last long. Grab your copy, and gift one to a friend!


Have you read these stories? Did you get any ideas on how to mess with your friends and co-workers?

Tell us your April Fool's Day plans. And if you don't have any plans this April Fool's Day, might we suggest settling in with a good book...or seven. ;)


~Roxy






Monday, March 13, 2017

The bottle is winking at me... #CHEAPDATE

Winking Owl Shiraz 

This, my dear financially strapped lushes, is THE cheapest wine I have tested for my Cheap Date series.

Aldi…the mutha-effing king of cheap booze, has this bottle for an every day price of $2.89 at my local store. (obviously, shit is cheaper in Indiana that the coastal cities. We have no water so we get cheap booze. Priorities.)

The nice thing about Aldi wine…it also has this handy label on the back so we know what the flavor will be like…if it’s sweet or dry…what temperature…

SHIT!

Mother effing shit. This is supposed to be at room temp, and I put the damn thing in my wine fridge again. Shit. I need to stop buying room temperature wines. I’m obviously incapable of having this stuff warm.

Okay. I don’t care. I’m trying it anyway.

Again…there’s no pull tab, twist off cap, or anything like that. Here’s an improviser’s tip. No seal cutter? Put the corkscrew sideways against the underside of the lip of the bottle and stab it over and over.

Step 1. Stab Seal.
Step 2. Peel like it's no big deal.


See? Sure you still could stab yourself, but it’s a smaller point. That means less chance of hitting a major artery, right?



FIRST IMPRESSIONS

There’s a cork. So obviously it’s a quality wine. (Yes. Cork Equals Quality. You know that by now.)

At this point, hubby wakes up from his nap and decides to make a smoothie right where I am working on this blog. He has to argue about which fruit is the smoothie fruit. I guess this gives the wine a chance to get to the right temperature… *grumble*

For real. He interrupted my wine time for fruit.
Okay. The wine is definitely room temp now. How long does it take to make a fucking smoothie?

Anyway….



FIRST POUR

There’s a little bit of bubble action at the top, and the drag on the glass has a few pits in it.

It might be time to be worried. Still not as heinous looking as the sangria though. That shit still haunts me.

The bottle says there should be a “hint of spice”.  It smells really bold to me. Maybe it’s my mayo lifestyle.

Time to try it.



FIRST SIP

This has the warmth in the back of my throat, the hint of fruit and no harsh bite to speak of. It’s like a breath of warm happiness.

This isn’t a gulp wine. It’s more of a laugh with friends while you make dinner kind of wine.

Or in my case, type out your opinion while your hubby completes the final boss fight in Final Fantasy, after munching on carrots and tater tots.




FINAL VERDICT

I’m pouring another glass. I dig it. I think I like the white I tried last time a bit better, but this is a great sipping wine.

Hubby didn’t weigh in on this one. Partly because it’s a dry wine, and mostly because he got in my damn way while making a smoothie.

Thumbs up for the wine. Thumbs down for the smoothie interruptus.
Pouring more!
...lots more.





So far I have come to the conclusion that Aldi is where shit goes down as far as cheap wine. I have also been told Trader Joe's is great, but there's not one terribly close to me. Where else should I go shopping for a deal? Feel free to tweet me your finds @RoxyMews.

Until next bottle...


~Roxy



To find Roxy's books with buy links and what she has coming up next check out her website at RoxyRocksMe.com

Monday, March 6, 2017

Dirk Thunderthighs and other character actors

So today (February 27 as I write this) I'm starting a new novella. It's part of a new billionaire anthology, and I'm thinking of also making it part of a series, the first of three billionaire brothers.
 
I think it will have the oldest brother as the hero. He's a reformed bad-boy who wants nothing to do with his father's company.

Now, what can I call him? I look up popular boy names on the Internet. Liam, Mason, Jacob...but I sort of want Our Hero to be GrandFather Name III, and none of those sound appropriately rich, snobby, and nineteen-fifties.

Here's one--Alexander. Alexander Anthony? I like the alliteration, but I'm not convinced. Landon? Landon Loveless, one of the Loveless Billionaire Brothers? Eh, it's a possibility. I'll call him L for now.

When my husband and I brainstorm, he often brings in hero Dirk Thunderthighs. I picture Fabio in the early days. L probably looks more like RDJ or Jason Momoa. In this case, L will do.

So L wants nothing to do with his father's company--until he shows up at the first board meeting after his father's death.

Hmmm...what to call the company? Creative juices flowing, that throws me out for just a moment. Something rich sounding. Something big and run by sharks...nope, I got nothing.

Megamoney Corp. Move on.

Okay, so L swaggers into his first board meeting at Megamoney Corp. Who's at the table beside the craggy old-guard graysuits? I want a heroine who will give him the most grief. Someone rich and beautiful and classy, to automatically get bad-boy L's back up.

Harper? Ava? Mia...no. Harper Riley? Ooh, that sounds like a hacker I can use for book 3. Leah, Aubrey, Grace...closer. She should look like Grace Kelly or Audrey Hepburn.

Elizabeth. That sounds regal. Last name...Rothschild? I'll have to look that up to see how many real people have that name. But it works for now.

So. Elizabeth Rothschild, on the company board, also wants the hero out, because she want to put her ex in place as head, so he can preserve the charities Megamoney Corp finances.

Elizabeth's ex...and here's where my monkey brain kicks in and provides the name Pubic Hair.

Pubic Hair?

Feck, I'm on a roll. Go with it. Pubic Hair is Elizabeth's ex.

So here is a note from my actual brand-new manuscript.
Elizabeth Rothschild: External Goal--get rid of L so her ex, Pubic Hair, can take over. Pubic Hair is her only chance at saving the charities which the elder L instituted.

Maybe it's time for me to switch to decaf.

Monday, February 27, 2017

When a good thing comes to an end...

Quite a few things are going to change on Wednesday. The publisher that brought the Lusty Linguists together will be closing it's doors for good.

Samhain Publishing will cease to exist at the end of this month. 

Two days are all we have left.

This is not a drill, people.




We try and make you smile when you come here, but sometimes some real stuff needs to be explained.

So here's what you need to do if you're a Samhain Pub shopper.

1. DOWNLOAD YOUR LIBRARY

If you have an account with Samhain, and even if you've bought a Samhain Publishing book from other places, download it and back it up. I use Calibre to manage my digital library.

These books and the support are going away on Wednesday. Some of the bigger players like iBooks and Amazon should keep your files for you, but if you're paranoid like me, back that ish up.

2. BUY ANY SERIES BOOKS YOU NEED

Like a lot of publishers, series books are popular at Samhain. If there are a few series that have books out and you haven't grabbed them...Hurry your butt up and buy them now. Make that plastic melt.

The authors are getting their rights back, but reformatting, re-covering, and re-publishing takes a lot of time and money, and most authors don't write as their primary day job. Some books may not even come back. There are thousands of Samhain titles. If you are on the fence about any, grab 'em while you can.





3. STALK THE AUTHORS

Some of us were waiting to get our rights back to continue a series or two. (*cough* me *cough* more Hart Clan *cough*)

So the best way to do that is to find them and figure out what comes next is on social media. They will be announcing new releases and re-releases. Trust me. They want to sell these books again.

For example...

You can like my author FB page... HERE
You can follow my ramblings on Twitter....HERE
You can sign up for my soon-to-be-a-newsletter...HERE
Or you can just hit up my soon to be very naked website...HERE

All authors have these and many more ways you can follow and reach out to them. Newsletters are usually the easiest because the info comes to you, and unlike FB that switches up what you see on your feed, the emails you'll get.


4. FORGIVE US FOR GETTING SENTIMENTAL




Samhain Publishing gave me my first "Yes." They allowed me to work alongside authors I admired and fangirled over. They gave me a sink or swim education that can't be learned in a class or at an event, and I will always be grateful for that. Samhain Publishing was the publisher I wanted. Their funny warnings fit so well with my humor and writing style that I still plan on emulating it as I try my hand at some self-publishing.

It's going to be hard over the next month or so at minimum. For all of us.

If you know an author, send them a virtual hug, or a funny meme, or a LOT of chocolate. Hell, just drop them an email and tell them which Samhain title of theirs is in your re-read pile. It would mean the world to them. Trust me. It can be your good deed. I'm going to start off with some of my own favorites. Let's blow up twitter and FB with #myfavoriteSamhainbook. I won't judge you if you tweet out more than one. ;)

If you are a fellow Samhain author...





~Roxy

To find Roxy's books with buy links and what she has coming up next check out her website at RoxyRocksMe.com

Monday, February 20, 2017

Roxy's #CheapDate with a Flirty Bird


I threw away the damn receipt. So I don’t have an exact amount, but I know it was the cheapest bottle I picked up at Aldi. (Less than $4, I think.)

I would wait until I can go back and check the price, but it is National Wine day today according to FB, so I simply can’t put off tasting this any longer. And I’ve been cleaning all day in a house full of men. Things have been seen that can’t be unseen and momma needs a drink.





FIRST IMPRESSIONS

This is called “Flirty Bird”. Which is adorable. I like the name. The label is cute. And it’s wine. We’re in good shape here.

Nice thing about this wine is on the back label (for wine noobs like myself) there are all kinds of little facts. And it tells me if it should be room temp or chilled. Thank goodness. This way we don’t have another BotaBox incident where I have to wait an hour before I can enjoy the booze.

Guess you’re supposed to have one of those fancy ass seal cutters because this sucker doesn’t have a pull tab. 




Eh. I have a knife.

And I didn’t stab myself. Batting 1000 this evening.

This bottle is corked. I’m always amused when the cheapest wines have corks. For some reason I equate corks with quality. The name is even printed on the cork. Fancy pants wine, ya got here, Aldi.

I’m ready though. I remember the last time I had a generic Aldi wine. (Check out that cheap date HERE)
 





THE POUR

Smells nice.

During this time I realize I didn't wash my wine glass from the last cheap date. So I take 5 minutes to unpack a wine glass rather than wash the dirty one.

Don’t judge me.

Wine has a good drag down the glass when I swirl it. I’m pretty sure good wine is supposed to do that.



FIRST SIP

Oh. That’s good.
That’s really good. That’s go stock up and buy more of this ish good.

Fruity taste is playing at the back of my tongue, with enough bite to satisfy my “I don’t want to drink sugar water”ness.

Hubby did his cursory taste test. He grimaced, said it was okay, but it was not sweet. Again, this isn’t a super sweet-lover’s drink. But I like this way way more than the champagne I got from Aldi last week.



FINAL CONCLUSION

Let’s be real. I would say this would be a great bottle to take to a dinner party, but I’m gonna polish this fucker off tonight. This is good.

Buy this. Buy multiple bottles of this. You can feed your wino habit and not go broke. Yum. Also, by the time I got to this point…half the bottle might be gone. 

Seriously. 

Yum.




I have one more Aldi find coming your way for next time. Until then...keep your eye out for a good cheap wine!

~Roxy

 To find Roxy's books with buy links and what she has coming up next check out her website at RoxyRocksMe.com


Monday, February 13, 2017

Roxy Mews's #CheapDate with Brut Cuvee No.5

Brut Cuvee No. 5.  No, it’s not a perfume. It’s a small bottle of Rose sparkling wine I picked up at Aldi for $4.99.

Since it’s close to Valentine’s Day, I figured a little bottle of pink champagne was the perfect way to have a cheap date!

This bottle is smaller than the usual 750ml size (half the size to be exact), but it would be a great treat to toss in a picnic basket or to accompany a dinner. Would also be a good one to sneak inside a coffee cup at the movies.

Not that I have ever done such a thing…



First Impressions

I am a sucker for packaging. And this bad boy has a real cork and is going to give me that satisfying pop I look for in champagne.

YES. Perfect pop, and OMG. It even has a cute little star on the bottom of the cork. Adorable.

Nice sweet tang to the smell. I think this is going to be a winner.



The Pour

I know this isn’t a champagne flute. I still haven’t unpacked those. Don’t judge me. It takes everyone a full year to unpack, right?

But there are tons of bubbles in this bad boy. It’s dancing and daring me to take a sip.

I’m excited about this one.



First Sip

Well…huh. I am surprised. This is a lot more dry than I was expecting. With the scent and the description of fruit on the back I thought this would be really sweet.

I need to taste that again. For research.

I don’t hate it. At all. But my nose is smelling something different than my tongue is tasting and it’s fucking with my brain.

Maybe this is what people talk about when they say a flavor is complex. But I’m not that complex of a person so culture like this fucks with me.

I feel like the back of my tongue is folding in on itself. Is that what dry wine does to your tongue?

I’m going to make hubby try some. I need more data.

**Time Lapse 10 minutes. 2 of taste testing, 8 of me laughing**

I should have had a camera. That was damn near bitter beer face. Hubby didn’t approve. So for the sweet lovers out there, this is not your jam. Trust me.







Final Verdict…

Am I going to drink the rest? Yes. Am I glad it’s not a full bottle? Yes. With the punch the flavor gives, it’s not a gulpable wine.

Packaging is adorable, wine is drinkable, and it would make one hell of a cute gift for valentines day if you are giving someone a gift basket. It’s even pink for crying out loud. Slap a valentine on this bad boy and give it to a teacher. She needs a drink after dealing with all those kids, I’m sure.

I wouldn’t run out to stock up on this, but it’s a solid 3 stars out of 5 for me. Since it’s not overly sweet, it would go best with a meal that has a little savory punch to it.


I’d drink it. It’s less than $5. Cheap date status achieved. It’s not like y’all are here for refined reviews.

See you next week. I've got two more bottles to check out.

~Roxy




To find Roxy's books with buy links and what she has coming up next check out her website at RoxyRocksMe.com