Monday, November 30, 2015

A gift for you! $50 egift card grand prize

photo credit: Thanksgiving via photopin (license)
photo credit: Thanksgiving via photopin (license)
If you're like me, this is an insanely busy season. Those hams and turkeys don't baste themselves. The gifts don't magically wrap each other, and it is a sad truth that the Decorator Elves exist only in fairy tales.

You do all that. You work hard during the holidays, making November and December a romantic, magical, fun, and warm family time.

But who makes the holidays sparkle and sizzle for you?

We'd like to help. A dozen authors are banding together to host a bash with 12 Days of 99c Ebooks--with a grand prize $50 Amazon/BN egift cerificate! December 1-12. Treat yourself right this holiday season.

Making the holidays romantic and sexy are New York Times bestselling author Jayne Rylon, New York Times bestselling author Izzy Szyn, bestselling author Jodi Redford, and the awesome Roxy Mews.

Making the holidays magical are international bestselling author Michelle Diener, and the wonderful Elle J Rossi and S.C. Mitchell.

Making the holidays fun are bestselling author Zoe Dawson, me, and the always-hilarious SL Carpenter.

Making the holidays heartwarming are USA Today bestselling author Edie Ramer, USA Today bestselling author Dale Mayer, and Amazon bestselling author Leigh Morgan.

Hope you'll join us for your gift of a little extra warmth this holidays!

a Rafflecopter giveaway
Starting tomorrow, Beauty Bites is only 99c! for a limited time. Ebooks make great lightweight stocking stuffers, just sayin' ;)

Beauty Bites (Biting Love Book 6)

Beauty is skin deep…but the beast goes all the way.

Kindle | Nook | Samhain | Kobo | iBooks | Google Play | All Romance | UK Kindle | UK Nook

When top Minneapolis ad man Ric Holiday is asked to design a campaign for a quaint little town, his first reaction is absolutely not. Meiers Corners is too near Chicago, home of the vampire who turned him as an orphaned boy.

Then the city sends an angel-faced med student with a body made for sin to plead their case. Synnove Byornsson is the ray of sunshine Ric hasn’t felt since he was human.

Armed with determination and a micro miniskirt, Synnove is prepared to crash Holiday’s penthouse cocktail party—and to dislike him on sight. But Mr. All-Style-No-Substance turns out to have a deadly smile, a barely restrained, feral strength, and piercing blue eyes that look at her—not at her cleavage.

Unfortunately Synnove has competition in the form of a sly temptress with a counterproposal. For the first time in her life, Synnove must cash in her genetic lottery ticket and fire back with some sizzle of her own—or her beloved Meiers Corners could become the new Sin City.

Warning: Contains a doctor with a bod for sin, an ad exec with a chip on his shoulder, sarcasm, sex, and a cabin full of annoying friends. Secrets are revealed. One heart-stopping, horrific moment leads to the ultimate of happily-ever-afters.
**Guilty Pleasures A True Gem; Blackraven's Reviews Recommended Read, Harlie's Book Reviews Recommended Read; RT Reviews 4-Star review

Kindle | Nook | Samhain | Kobo | iBooks | Google Play | All Romance | UK Kindle | UK Nook

Monday, November 23, 2015

The Darling Husband: FREE Sample Story from "S.L. Carpenter's Big Book of Lust"

And now something completely different

All us Lusty Linguists do our best to make you readers see the humorous side to things. Personally i try to make you all say WTF as much as possible.
Earlier this month I released a book called S.L. CARPENTER'S BIG BOOK OF LUST.
50 short stories filled with sex, weirdness, lust, lust, squirming and a bunch of other craziness.
I wanted to share a sample story so you all can all get a taste of the screwy way my mind works.

Hope you enjoy it.

The Darling Husband

Fred felt silly going to buy some of those feminine product things for his wife. But being a typical pussy-whipped male, he was out in the late hours in search of things he was afraid of, on his wife’s instructions.

Sharon was a spoiled woman but deserved it. At least she told Fred she did. She had everything already but every time she’d drop a hint about wanting something, she would go buy it within a few days because she had no patience.

He was driving down the street to where there was a small strip mall with a few stores still open, along with a cute card shop and a coffee house. Maybe a gift certificate for the coffeehouse would be something nice to get Sharon. She loved her morning cup. It was her bitch-awakening drink. If she didn’t get it, watch out.

Fred pulled his long jacket closed. He hopped out of his truck and walked toward the door of a store next to the coffee shop. The bell jingled, he stepped into the neon-lit interior, and a burly, hairy, man with a ponytail snarled at him from the front counter before re-opening the DDD Natural XXX porn magazine he was reading.

Apparently it isn’t a myth. The freaks really do come out at night.

There was an elderly lady wearing pink furry bunny slippers and a flowered muumuu dress. Her blue hair was pulled up in a bun and she wore horn-rimmed glasses. She was looking at some packages and mumbling to herself.

Fred shook his head, wasn’t watching where he was going and bumped into a man standing in the aisle. At first glance he resembled a biker. Big and bald with a sinister curl to his mouth.

“Excuse me, I’m sorry.”

In a high-pitched voice the man replied, “It’s okay, sweetie. No harm done.” The man turned around and Fred looked down to see assless chaps on the guy. Not only was his ass hairy but he had a tattoo of a heart with the name Bobby in a it on one cheek.

Fred was somewhat lost, but didn’t want to look totally stupid and ask for help. When he felt a tap on his shoulder, he turned to see an attractive woman smiling at him.

“Hello, can I help you?”

Fred was relieved, but still a little nervous. It wasn’t as if he’d asked for this before. “Yes, I’m looking for something for my wife.”

“From the look of you I can see why.”

“What? No, she asked me to pick something up for her.”

“I see. Well, what exactly are you looking for?”

“I guess something in regular? I travel a lot and she says sometimes she has needs. She didn’t get what she needed last time. She said I can call her and she’d…you know…” Fred paused. “I’m not real comfortable talking about this.”

“No problem. Let me show you what we have and that might make it easier.”

There was a small cutout inside the brightly lit store. On the walls surrounding Fred was a smorgasbord of rubber cocks. They were in every size, shape and color imaginable.

“Holy shit. There are so many things here. What do you do with all this?”

“It all depends on your partner. There are Ben Wa balls, pleasure missiles, ribbed, threaded, glow in the dark, black, green gelled, pink rubber, flesh-toned, clit-tickler dildos. Here look at this one.”

The woman handed him a flesh-colored dildo with a small pouch attached to it by a thin tube. “This one is lifelike in texture and actually ejaculates.”

“Uh. What do you mean?”

She reached to the pouch and squeezed it. “See?”

A squirt of fluid shot from the tip of the dildo and into Fred’s face. “Holy fuckin’ shit. I was just, oh my God—I’m gay now—I can’t believe—um.” He licked his lips as the fluid dribbled down his cheek. “Er, this tastes like a glazed donut.”

“Well, yes, we put a flavored fluid in there sometimes to add to the woman’s playful side.”

“What’s that?” He set the dildo down and picked up a flesh-colored rubber pussy from a glass shelf.

“Oh, that’s one of our new scented toys for men. It has a realistic scent of a woman’s pussy. Go ahead, give it a smell.”

Fred put it to his nose and jerked his head back. “Damn, that smells like shit!”

“Oh, you had it backward. Try the other side.” The woman made a flipping motion with her hand.

“I’ll pass. What else do you sell here?” He handed the woman the pussy and turned around.

She stepped beside him and continued. “We have anal-vaginal double-penetrating toys, butt plugs, anal beads, nipple or clitoral clamps, cock rings, battery or electric operated vibrators. Fake pussies, fake assholes, porn magazines, porn VHS tapes, porn DVDs, peekaboo shows, nudie booths, peep shows, jack-off booths, gay porn, lesbian porn, midget porn, animal porn, transvestite porn, Japanese porn, cross-gender porn, chicks-with-dicks porn. There are a variety of costumes. We have some whips, chains, genital clamps, ropes, leather, vinyl, edible undies, floggers, gag balls, handcuffs, branding irons, BDSM tools, S&M tools, wax-play candles, various restraints, clothespins, mechanical fucking machines and we even have the BFOM-720.”

“Dare I ask?”

The woman grinned and said, “It’s the Big Fucking Orgasm Machine. It has triple speed controls, hooks up to any two-twenty outlet and has an automatic reset and a breaker fuse if it shorts out. It comes with fourteen attachments and a sixty-day money-back guarantee on parts and labor. It can also be used as a blender and power drill. There is a warning that it has been known to cause some vaginal trauma if left in too long.”

“Does it run on gas or diesel fuel?”

She wasn’t amused by his joke. “Okay. What can I get you?”

“Well, I appreciate your help but what I really came in here for is tampons for my wife.”

Smiling yet? Buy the ENTIRE collection HERE!

And don't forget to connect with S. L. on FACEBOOK and TWITTER

Sunday, November 15, 2015

Back Up Yo' Sh*t. #NaNoWriMo Lesson Time.

Gather round the computer ladies and gents it's story time

Once upon a time, there was an event called NaNoWriMo. That stands for National Novel Writing Month if you aren't familiar. This event gathered people around the globe to write fifty thousand words in just thirty days time.

Everyone had different reasons for going on this journey. Some wanted to write for a living, and needed some motivation to complete the next project on their plate. Some wanted to try writing as a hobby. Some have had dozens of story ideas, but were never able to make themselves get to the end of the book. And some just wanted to go to write-ins and catch the word count frenzy that followed.

They all banded together in support of each other and created buddy packs to ensure they had the sustenance needed to reach the purple bar of completion. All worked diligently and through late nights to accomplish their goals.

But one writer disobeyed the cardinal rule of NaNoWriMo...BACK UP YO' SH*T.

Now. This writer saved her entire book on one thumbdrive. The book wasn't on her computer, it wasn't on cloud storage, and it wasn't saved on any other thumbdrive. She held her precious thumbdrive in high regard and knew no other device was worthy of her story.

When she didn't pour an extra a cup of coffee and leave it as a sacrificial offering, the gods of NaNoWriMo became angry with the writer. They knew the muses did not get their caffeine fix and it was about to be a serious problem. The NaNoWriMo gods possessed her cats and ordered them to destroy the book for not providing the muses with their fuel.

The cats did as the NaNoWriMo gods commanded and destroyed the computer.

 The destruction was incredible.

The files were corrupted. 

The storage device was annihilated. 

The evening had started out as a joyous romp through wordland. The writer had planned to feed her book with thousands of new words and frolic in the beauty of the daily green bar of accomplishment. But that would not come to pass. The destruction was absolute.

But although the writer was sad, the story was still within her. She knew she could rebuild her world. She knew there was light on the other side of this tragedy, because she could create the happy ending she needed. 


The moral of this story is...BACK UP YOUR FREAKING MANUSCRIPT! Put it on a thumbdrive. Save it on your hard drive. Load that bastard up on the cloud. Create a drop box account. Hell, take your novel on a field trip to a friend's house and save it on their computer!

I didn't tell you this tale of woe to scare you, but I told it to you to ensure you BACK UP YO' SH*T!


To find Roxy's books with buy links and what she has coming up next check out her website at

Monday, November 9, 2015

Get Hammered!

Heh. Not that kind of hammered. Although, now that I think about it, it is a Monday and I'm sweating through another deadline. Margarita Happy Hour sounds pretty damn good right about now. >.> But in this case I'm talking about Hunks, Hammers, and Happily Ever Afters. Remember that hot lumberjack book I was talking about several months ago? The one with this theme song? Well, now you can get your hot little hands on it, along with the six other fabulous stories in the box set. All for the stupendously low price of 99 CENTS. But you'll want to grab it soon. That price will be going up AND the set is available for a limited time.

An anthology of novellas about hunky blue collar, hammer wielding heroes and the women who tame them. Stories are by USA Today Bestselling Authors Cari Quinn, Cathy Clamp, Anna J. Stewart, and featuring authors Jodi Redford, Amie Stuart, Leah Braemel, and Chudney Thomas.

Get down and dirty with this sexy blue collar bundle featuring seven original contemporary romance novellas that range from sweet to sizzling. 

Read on for an exclusive excerpt from Knotty Magic...

Monday, November 2, 2015

One Month to Passion Bites--and Big Huge GARGANTUAN 99c sales bash

Do you like SEX? Do you like ROMANTIC TENSION and BANTER?

Do you like 99c SALES? *

Next month Passion Bites releases. Biting Love Book 9 is the one readers have been waiting for, where Logan Steel's twin brother Luke meets his mate in Dr. Alexis Byornsson, sister to Synnove. It's a journey of physical passion, sure, but more an emotional journey of epic proportions. Luke lost his wife 300 years ago and is one broken guy.

Oh, there's humor too. Wouldn't be Biting Love without it ;)

*To celebrate the release of Luke & Alexis's story, Samhain is offering her sister's story, Beauty Bites, for 99 cents. LIMITED TIME ONLY, December 1-11. And some of my author friends are helping me celebrate with a 12 Days of Sales reader extravaganza! 12 days of 99c books PLUS huge 60-book Thanksgiving giveaway!! I'm so excited I'm tossing in extra exclamation points!!!! Details as I get them here.

Passion Bites
A broken vampire and a driven doctor, seized by a passion neither can afford.

Dr. Alexis Byornsson has her hands full in the ER when her patient’s uncle blows into the exam room. Stitching up a five-year-old’s cut is hard enough without a blond god distracting her all to hell.

To say she’s furious is putting it mildly—not that anyone would notice. Not with the legendary control that’s earned her the nickname “Dr. Frozen”.

Luke Steel never knew a woman chastising him could be so sexy. But for the first time in three hundred years, passion stirs in his gut—along with panic. Since his wife was taken before his eyes in a brutal attack, he’s sworn he’d never feel that powerless again.

Almost before either Luke or Alexis realize what’s happening, they’re sharing a blazing kiss that shatters her logical armor and unleashes his wholly unwanted mating instinct. And spurs a closer-than-skin enemy to put into motion a devastating plan for revenge.

Warning: This book contains a hot doctor and a hotter vampire messing up sterile surfaces. The usual rogue shenanigans, but this time covering deeper motives. Hang on to your stethoscopes at what’s revealed!

Preorder now!
Kindle | Nook | Samhain | Kobo | iBooks | Google Play | All Romance | UK Amazon | UK Nook