Monday, January 26, 2015

Being "One of the Girls"

Picture Taken at Saints & Sinners in New Orleans
I decided to change things up a little and write something about the women on this group.
I am the newcomer and have testosterone instead of estrogen flowing in surplus through my veins. Of course seeing the cat pictures I post, how I like ice cream and the way I act during football games may change your perspective, I’m a man through and through.
I was lucky to meet two of the three Lusty Linguists this year at a convention and had the best time I have had in a long time. Being surrounded by this much sexiness was a joy for me. I mean…I’m a guy…they are hot women writers that talk and write about romance, sex and all the joys of things. Did I mention they write about sex?
Walking the streets of New Orleans was a blast and we had a couple more beautiful ladies (Kellie and Dani) in the group that I was invited to join that night. Drinking (a lot), the crowds and the music were all adding to my night out with the girls. I have some great memories and some pictures to remind me of the blurry times of that night.
Live music from an amazing band, dancing and watching the girls react to the “creepers” and seeing what women deal with when going out was all a blast because I love watching people.
I’d flex my manly chest and motion that these hotties were all with me. Obviously the creepers were all scared away by this much beefcake and total bad-assery. That and the girls would basically give them the “As-If” glares. Seeing their reactions, focusing on how others change their facial appearance, all that stuff is fun for me.
Yes, I’m weird but deal with it.
What started with 5 people getting together for the night ended up being about 15 at a bar drinking way too much but everyone watching out for each other in a friendly, I have your back, way. The cover models showing up didn’t seem to bother the girls for some reason.
I met writers I had heard about but never would have met or talked to before. It was like our own little party in that bar and we actually had the whole back half of the place to ourselves and I drank Zombies all night and felt like one the next morning.
I’m bringing this up just to remind you all that meeting people, even if you don’t realize it at the time, can make a difference.
Roxy texted me and said, “We are at Channing Tatum’s bar, come join us.” Personally I think the four women were hoping to see Magic Mike and get a personal dance there, those little vixens.
But he wasn’t and they settled for little old me and showed me a good time with no pressure or tensions to take away from a night out with people to just have fun. I mean I’m pretty shy and don’t talk a lot…
Who am I kidding I love to talk to people.
My point is that you meet people that can change the direction of your life or career. For me I was brought into a group of women that were all successful writers, had great families and friends, we were all away from home and they made me feel like one of the girls that night. I was a very lucky man. Hearing about the best brands of tampons and where to buy a better bra got a little awkward but I digress.
Also, I am a positive person. I try to be on the lighter side of things and hope for the best in situations. I always post positive and funny pictures and quotes and believe strongly in laughter being a cure to a lot of ills and bad in our daily life.
I mean if you ever see someone smack into a pole while texting and don’t laugh…there’s something wrong with you. (By the way, it’s really embarrassing and hurts your nose whenever that happens.)
Sometimes taking a chance on people can be positive and bring you happiness. I was a fan of these girls and surprisingly they knew of me, probably because of the dancing on the table dressed like a chicken with a bullwhip and a can of whipped cream incident, and after a few days, I made some really good friends.
Most of this random rambling makes no real sense but it’s how my twisted mind works.
A lot of this may be common sense and you have heard it before. But so much of our time is spent meeting and talking to people online that we get away from really talking to people.
I’m not being preachy or anything but real contact is much better than the occasional chat. In a way it took me becoming one of the girls to find a way to say this on a blog for others to maybe read and agree with. I’m lucky they asked me to join.
Where I am not lucky is that I now have to get my nails done to match these wonderful red stilettos I picked up for a party.

Want to read more from S.L. Carpenter? Check out...

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Monday, January 19, 2015

A New Year...A New Goal...A New Book!

This is the time of year when the exercise emporiums fill to bursting. This is when all the diet supplements and workout videos go on sale.

It's New Year's Resolution Time!

Don't look at me like that. We're going to stick to our goals this year. No. Really. We will!

For me, this year is...


My creative and spastic brain is quaking in fear at my new pretty bullet journal. I found a new planner technique and I am very excited to work with it. I even bought some pretty washi tape to put on the pages. (Because that's totally necessary. *nods*)

If you are looking for a way to organize, the technique I'm using is laid out nicely at for everyone to try. Or you can watch the video Ryder Carroll, the creator, made about it. Fair warning, this video was the start of me getting excited and spending over an hour on google, Pinterest, and YouTube learning how others implemented this idea. 

I'm going to do it this year. I am going to get organized. I ended up using the recommended Moleskine squared journal. Mainly because Barnes and Noble had it, and I was too dang impatient to get started to order something else.

I made my index, slapped my Death Wish Coffee Co sticker on the back, and got down to business. Checking off tasks and taking names, while caffeinated. That's how I'm getting going in the new year.

I've got to be organized. My new novella comes out NEXT MONTH! Coral-600 came out of nowhere, and I love her. Every genetically-modified goverment lab-created bit of her.

She's already up for grabs at





...And lots of other ebook retailers who know how to have a good time.

Pleasure is not a malfunction.

Coral-600 is the first and only one of her kind. An artificial intelligence prototype with realistic skin over her metal frame, she was deemed too expensive for mass production and gifted to the royal family.

She cannot legally have a relationship with a human, and it never entered her electronic brain to want more—to break the law. Until she meets Quinn, and her DNA-enhanced skin tingles with a completely new sensation. Desire.

His body damaged beyond repair in the war, Quinn survived—barely—by agreeing to have much of it rebuilt. His royal relatives have taken him in, but it’s tough adjusting to a body that doesn’t come with instructions.

As Coral helps Quinn cope with his new body, the connection between them reaches the melt-down point. But unless she can convince the authorities that humanity runs deeper than flesh and bone, she’ll have her CPU wiped clean—permanently.

Warning: This book contains artificial and natural flavors, lubricant (lots and lots of lubricant), and fun with oh-so-hard drives.

So while you're getting started with your resolution, I hope you'll check out my #robosex novella.

Happy New Year!


To find Roxy's books with buy links and what she has coming up next check out her website at

Monday, January 12, 2015

It's research. No, really. I swear.

Sometimes I feel kinda sorry for anyone who has the misfortune of being online while I’m doing research. Case in point, I recently was on YouTube looking up male stripper routines for one of my heroes. Three hours later (What? I barely cracked the top listings and I take my research seriously!) I surfaced from my marathon of gyrating leopard-print thongs and popped onto Facebook to share my findings with two of my writing besties. It went something like this:

Me: I just watched 12 minutes of Polish Chippendales stripping to Greased Lightning. I might require an intervention soon.

Besties: No way! There are Polish Chippendales? And they strip to Greased Lightning? Please share the wonder of this with us!!!

*side note: That last part may or may not have been a hallucination on my end. I was still under the mind-altering effects of Polish Chippendales air humping to classic Americana soundtracks.*

 So I did as any good friend would do. I sucked them into the web of insanity with me. I think one of them might still be wandering the stripper wasteland of Youtube, lost and unable to find her way home. I should, uh, see if I can’t lure her back with I dunno, Aussie strippers or something.

The moral of this story? Don’t leave me alone with Youtube for more than half an hour. Possibly that’s 25 minutes too long. And also Greased Lightning actually makes a pretty good stripper tune. Who knew?

The inspiration for this tale is my upcoming release, Kinky Claus. I don’t have a buy link available yet, but keep your eyes peeled this week!

‘Tis the season to be naughty...

The only thing worse than the annual office Christmas party is attending the stinkin’ thing alone. Refusing to consign herself to that fate yet again, Marissa Wagner throws her normally sensible self aside and does what any newly adventurous—okay, desperate—woman in her shoes would do—she hires a male escort. But when he arrives for their pre-party introduction her situation goes from problem solved, to one holy whopper of a complication. Her paid-for dream also her best friend’s brother.
Trig Campbell has been in the escorting biz long enough to realize there’s a risk of being set up with someone he knows. Never in a million years did he count on that person being Marissa. Out of all of Jane’s friends, Rissa’s always been the less wild of the bunch. Now that fate’s in his corner, he’s more than game to help her explore her bad girl side and play out every kinky fantasy they can. Getting past her doubts is no easy feat. Fortunately he knows a thing or two about cranking up the carnal heat, and soon he and Marissa embark on a week-long intensely erotic journey that leaves them both shaken and craving more. 

As their time together draws closer to an end, Trig is haunted by a question he’d never expected to face. What possible future can a gigolo offer a woman like Marissa? And can he let her go when the time comes? 

Warning: This book contains a player well-versed in the fine art of sin, a good girl who’s about to find out how delicious it is to be bad, enough kinky uses for a candy cane to make an elf blush, and verifiable proof that Santa does indeed come more than once a year.

*Side note #2, no Polish strippers were harmed in the making of this exclusive excerpt:

The velvet drapes lifted with a dramatic swoosh and the deafening cheers of the crowd nearly drowned out the opening bars to Santa Claus Needs Some Lovin’. Their excitement energized Trig, filling him with the heady rush he always experienced when he was in performance mode. In that moment, he was Kinky Claus.

Strutting to the center of the stage, he worked the ladies, teasing them with dirty hip rolls and promised flashes of skin he didn’t completely deliver on. The women ate it up, and several of the more rambunctious ones up front shook their tatas in encouragement. He’d been in plenty of strip clubs throughout his life, both as a performer and an occasional patron. He had to admit that women were hella more wild and crazy than his male counterparts.

From the corner of his eye he spotted Frank approaching one of the tables. Damn. He’d completely forgotten to check out Miss Five ahead of time. Not often he got the opportunity to do that before the female was hauled up onto the stage.

“Looks like we have our lucky lady.” The DJ’s announcement drifted over the cacophony of music and boisterous female chants of, “Kinky Claus! Kinky Claus! Kinky Claus!”

Taking that as his cue, Trig pivoted and claimed the chair set up to the left of him. In other routines he typically started off with the female seated, but this particular act initially called for a bit of role reversal. He glanced toward the stairs leading up to the stage, fully expecting to see Frank with the woman in tow. Nada.

Frowning, Trig peered toward the table to determine the holdup. Frank’s burly frame blocked most of the view, but from what Trig could detect, Frank was dealing with some reluctance from Miss Five. Occasionally they got a shy one. Not often, but it did happen. Usually everything worked out fine once they got up here and Trig put them at ease. Hell, half the time they ended up not wanting to leave the stage. It was always the quiet ones who surprised him the most and he had the best fun with.

The other women at Five joined in Frank’s efforts to coax their tablemate into abandoning her seat. Their encouragement must have done the trick, because Frank suddenly stepped aside with a pleased grin. That’s when Trig had his first unobstructed view of his soon-to-be lap partner. He stared at Marissa, shock punching him dead center in the solar plexus. Damn good thing he was sitting down, otherwise he’d be flat on the floor.

What the hell was she doing here?

Duh, you invited her, moron. Never in a million years would he have thought she’d take him up on it. Not after the way they ended things last night. 

Shit. How was he going to get through this routine? All of the full-on body contact and suggestive grinding. 

The candy cane.

Oh sweet Jesus. Not the candy cane.


Monday, January 5, 2015

Have a Mashup New Year!

Romance. Mystery. Erotica. Humor. When I first started writing, genres were Vanilla and Chocolate and you sure as heck better not mix them. Writer's were told to put their best foot forward!

Well, I have two, and I try not to play favorites.

Thank the Great Flying Flounderpaddle that this is 2015 and that's changed. It's the Year of the Mashup, baby.

My next romance cover.

Epic Rap Battles--Isaac Newton vs. Bill Nye. And yes, that is Weird Al as Newton. You're welcome.

It's a carrot. But it's a clarinet. But...

Death Battle pits characters from different universes against each other--changing cartoon physics to real physics. Warning: graphic violence.

Whether it's laughs and lust or Lincoln and vampires, mashups are fun.

What about you? What's your favorite mashup?