Monday, December 29, 2014

5 Chastity Devices—For Men—You Have to See to Believe! Guest Terri Meeker

From a historian's perspective, chastity devices are fascinating. And really, what is sexier than a historian's perspective?  (Really?  Literally everything?)  I've picked up some fun facts about these bad boys while researching my soon-to-be-released novel, "Not Quite Darcy."

For one - chastity belts for females in the Middle Ages weren't much of a thing. Women didn't really begin using them until after the Industrial Revolution - and even then, they were primarily used as a method to thwart rape.

But male chastity devices? That's a whole different bear trap (and my words may be more literal than you would hope).  These babies absolutely flourished during the Victorian Era.  Why? No less than the looming threat of madness, moral degeneration and death.  Not necessarily in that order.

And how could a metal device strapped around a man's nether regions stop such disasters, you ask? By preventing a young man from 'self abuse.' To Victorians, masturbation wasn't a minor moral failing, but the key to sanity itself.  For instance, Sir Robert Anderson, (the head of Scotland Yard in the late 1800s) told a social purity meeting ‘the harrowing story of an Eton boy, son of a colonel in the army, a brilliant lad, always head of his class, …who had been reduced to driveling imbecility as the result of his secret sin, induced by the sight of an obscene photograph exhibited by a scoundrel whom he met in a railway train.’

Imagine such a world. Where a quick glance at a dirty postcard at Charring Cross might reduce you to drooling idiocy.  Why only a fool wouldn't take strict precautions to avoid such a fate.  Thus, the ultimate cock-blocking devices came into being.

Let's take a quick tour through some of the ingenious designs.

The Self Protector was invented in 1870. A band encircled the body just above the hips. It was locked together by a small padlock, the key to which was carried by 'the person in charge of the masturbator.'  Imagine how well that would look on a resume or in a job interview. "Do you have supervisory experience?" they ask. You grin. "I sure do! Let me tell you allllll about it!"

This is called the Jugum Penis, but let's be honest and call the thing what it is: a wang bear trap. When I first saw this, I sprained something trying to close my browser down. The Victorians were not messing around when it came to erections. Upon the slightest indication of an erection, this baby would remind Mr. Happy of several pointed reasons why he should remain Mr. Sad.

The Bowen Device was a top seller and doesn't seem so bad (especially compared with the last one).  Thing is, this contraption clips directly to your pubes.  So if your little fella becomes aroused, the Bowen Device would begin to yank out all the surrounding pubic hair. Might put a whole new spin on 'Wuthering Heights.'  "Why are you weeping, Heathcliff?" Cathy asked. He only adjusted his crotch, then continued openly sobbing into his hands.

I know what you're thinking! With all this attention to the men, where's something for the females?  How about this little number? It might look like the scariest b-ball outfit you've ever seen, but it's really unisex jammies called Sexual Armor. It was even designed by a woman, Miss Ellen Perkins, of the aptly named Beaver Bay, MN. As Ellen puts it "It is a deplorable but well known fact that one of 'the most common causes of insanity, imbecility and feeble mindedness, especially in youth, is due to masturbation or self abuse. This is about equally true of both sexes."  You're welcome, ladies!

Okay, the Chastity Apron shouldn't count because it was invented in 1977.  But I couldn't resist.  First of all, they're still designing these things? And secondly, you have to love the subtlety of it. And although you couldn't exactly wear this thing, well, anywhere - it would look right at home in the SNL sketch for "Dick in a Box."

Although "Not Quite Darcy" explores this issue, I surely couldn't be so cruel as to force my sweet protagonist into such a torture device.  Could I?

How to woo a gentleman—and weaponize dessert.
Romance novel junkie Eliza Pepper always thought she was born too late, but now she really is stuck in the wrong time. Tasked with mending a tear in the timeline, she’s trying desperately to fit into 1873 London. But dang it, mucking out a fireplace while looking like the lunch lady from hell is hard.
If she can just keep from setting the floor on fire and somehow resist her growing attraction to the master of the house, she’ll be fine. All she has to do is repeat her mantra:  “He’s nothing like Darcy. He’s nothing like Darcy.”
William Brown has always taken pride in his mastery of English decorum, but his new maid is a complete disaster, has thrown his household into chaos…and he finds her utterly captivating.
Though he’s willing to endure extreme physical discomfort to keep their relationship in proper perspective, her arrival has brought out a side of him he never knew existed. And Eliza has an innocently erotic knack for coaxing that decidedly ungentlemanly facet of himself out to play…
Product Warnings
A modern girl who knows bupkis about nursing and maiding in the 19th century, a gentleman poet with a repressed wild side, and inappropriate use of a pair of pantaloons.  


Terri Meeker is supposed to write her author blurb in the third person. It’s just how things are done. She shouldn’t question it, but then she’s always been difficult. Even in high school, her best friend’s mother described her as ‘eccentric’ before urging her daughter to make friends with a nice, normal girl.

She was born in Wyoming but has made her home on Fidalgo Island in Washington state. She’s loved history since childhood and has been fortunate to live in lots of places with fascinating pasts, including: Washington DC, Philadelphia, Virginia Beach, Albuquerque, Missouri and Mons, Belgium. She’s an ex-history teacher, a mom a Whedonite, a gamer and a ginormous nerd. She also loves to write.

Terri is really getting into this third person thing and thinks it will give her a lot of gravitas during future dinner conversations. She thinks you should probably start doing it as well.
Her website is at Check it out and you’ll be able to find her on twitter, fb and all that social stuff. She’d love to hear from you. Trust me.

Monday, December 22, 2014

My Kitten is Getting Coal This Year.

Happy Holidays, everybody!!

Hopefully you've got a better handle on this month than I do. It's been a whirlwind, to say the least. I even made my own tree this year, because I sure wasn't decorating the whole real tree deal.

But I've got most of my xmas shopping done.

Okay...SOME of it.

Dammit, okay. I've bought my pets their presents. That's what counts, right?

Dogs, fish, birds, everyone is getting a little something. Except my cat. He's on the...


Why? Let me count the ways.

1. He eats my dog's food if I don't pick it up IMMEDIATELY. He scares my dog. My dog has issues.

2. He wakes me up at 5:30 in the morning. Even after I get my coffee, I'm still bitter.

3. He throws things at me when he's on top of the cabinets. (I need to clean those things off.)

4. He jumps in the fish tank. Literally. ALL THE TIME.

5. He steals my socks. I can't do laundry until he naps, because the little sucker will take them out of the laundry basket and drag them under the couch.

Oh who am I kidding...all those cuddles and purrs make up for it. How could I not fill up his stocking? Just look at the kitty face!

Who are you forgiving this year and buying things for anyway? What holidays are you celebrating in December? Should we all just buy up the booze and drink our way into the new year at this point? 

I'm thinking a little alcohol doesn't sound like a bad idea at the moment. Someone Irish up my coffee!


Dear Santa...

 photo credit: Theresa Thompson via photopin cc
Dear Santa,

How's Rudoph's cold? Get him the lotion tissues for that red nose...

Whether you've been naughty or nice this year, Santa's got a present for you!

Cherise Sinclair, Lorelei James, Shayla Black, Lexxie Couper and more share their "Dear Santa" letters--and tons of giveaways--at Guilty Pleasures Book Reviews.

I'm giving away a Holiday Pack with ebooks Biting Holiday Honeymoons, Entranced box set, and Black Diamond Jinn--that’s a dozen stories. Just 4 more days.

**All Dear Santa letters here**

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Welcome to Grimwood~ Guest Kelly Apple

I released book 1 in a new series this week! Not only is that an exciting thing to say, it's incredibly fun to get to build a world from the ground up. Well, sometimes. And then sometimes it's a little intimidating and you're sure you're doing it all wrong and you want to bang your head against a wall.

But let's not mention that part of the creative process.

One of the awesome things about releasing a new series (for me, at least) is getting to come up with some snarky one-liners for promotional purposes. Like that time I got to throw "Because nothing beats end of the world sex, amirite?" onto my zombie apocalypse love story series page. Ha. Man, that never gets old to read. *pets that line and giggles*

Anyway. This new series is set in a place called Grimwood. There are curses and evil witches and heroes who have to endure terrible things before they're rescued by their special lady friend. I thought it would be fun to find a tagline for Grimwood--the actual woods, not just the series, mind you--to help introduce this crazy, cursed place.

*clears throat* Grimwood. Where the curses are plentiful and you REALLY don't want to be out after dark.

Umm... no. Let's try again.

Grimwood. Where really bad things happen to really good people.


Grimwood. Where no good deed goes unpunished by a hundred years as someone's whipping boy.

*awkward laugh* Right. Let's just say there's a reason no one has hired me as a tagline writer for places around the world. Although, I do feel a few hidden gems up my sleeve in that arena...

(any place in Canada and/or Alaska because THAT'S WHERE THE MOOSE ARE!) Come for the scenery, stay to watch the moose mate! *finger guns*

(any place near a desert) If you can't stand the heat, you probably shouldn't be visiting here.

(any place with snow) RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! (to be honest, I'm still unclear how people survive in that much cold. This California girl just DOESN'T GET the whole snow thing.)

You're welcome, hot, cold, and moose-infested cities. You're welcome.

For the record, I still haven't found a properly snarky, entirely appropriate introductory line for Grimwood. No worries, though. I plan to keep throwing things out there until I find something that fits.

Now entering Grimwood. These aren't your mother's fairy tales...

Cursed Blood by Kelly AppleCursed Blood (Grimwood #1)
Zel has lived his entire life within the confines of a square mile of the forest. The tower is his refuge. The witch, his captor. Forced to do her bidding, he dreams of a day when he can leave the cursed place and be free. But fate has other plans and freedom can take many guises. As a girl, Geneva devoured stories about the wild boy who lived at the highest point in the forest. A changeling, a prince, a forest spirit—all the tales tell a different story. Imagine her surprise when she stumbles across the cursed tower and the young man held prisoner there. It’ll take all her cunning and courage to free him. What she doesn’t know is that freeing him might doom them all.
Cursed Blood is available at: Amazon | B&N | iTunes | Kobo Want to know more about me? You can find me at: Website: Facebook: Author Kelly Apple

Monday, December 8, 2014

There's a reason "Deadline" begins with "Dead"...

At the moment, I'm coming out of the NaNoWriMo fog (I won! Yay, go me!) and working my way into the festive season around me in a very painful way.

But I'm dealing. I actually cleaned some of the funk out of my house. I'm wearing clean clothes, and I've got some lists made to get myself organized.

Then...well...then I get a phone call. Or it would have been a phone call if I did that sort of thing. I don't talk on the phone. Those things are scary. 

Because all those that know me, know I don't talk on the phone, we all know the "call" was really a direct message app. 

"Are you finished with your manuscript?"

Oh...that one that I was planning on putting off? Ummm...Give me a week, I say. I'll get it done, I say. 

I didn't miss a deadline or anything, but some extenuating circumstances are beating up my plans from behind the scenes.

So...for all those I joked with about needing a deadline to get anything done...let's hope the procrastination demon leaves and the productivity muse hops into his chair.

I'm not sure how I'm going to get it all done without losing my it's a good thing I never had any to begin with. ;p

"Deadline" has always been an ominous word. As I look at my To Do list and wonder where sleep is going to fit into the equation, I'm pretty sure I understand now, why it's called a deadline. If you make it to the finish line without it killing're doing a fantastic job. 

So tell me what's got you stressed out this time of year. Or tell me how you deal. Or just do what my hubby does, and throw chocolate at me. I prefer Dove. 


Note: All these memes were created at one of my favorite sites, 
If you make one over there share it with me!

To find Roxy's books with buy links and what she has coming up next check out her website at

Monday, December 1, 2014

Kink and Comics

I like it fast and dirty...which is probably why I like comics. But I also like stories. So here are some comics and some personal stories to go with them. Feel free to skip to the pictures :)

Our first apartment was like a paper shack, so when we moved to our second apartment, we picked a place with nice thick cinder block walls. But we were still woken one night to our neighbor shrieking like she was having one hell of an orgasm. Or a fight. I'm still not sure which, because the only actual words we could make out were the man shouting, "Pat, no! Not the washing machine!"
I led a rather bookish life until I met my husband in high school. I knew about sex from reading but hadn't had the more streetwise stuff explained to me (I didn't get why Dr. Pepper came in bottles. *shakes head sadly* It's because his wife left him). My husband was happy to explain this, 69, and more.
Hubby & I did a short stint with social gaming with a group of friends early in our marriage. If this had happened, it might have changed the dynamics a bit.

Here's something I'd love to try the moment we get a GPS for a present :) My favorite combination of sex, humor, and love.


What about you? What's your favorite combo of sex and fun?

Now available, Heart to Heart, 10 Touching Contemporary Romances for .99

When it comes to falling in love, nothing beats a tough man with a tender touch. He’s sexy, he’s intriguing, he’s confident, he’s loyal, and you’ll enjoy every pulse-pounding moment you spend with these heroes after your own heart:

Hot Off the Press: Leigh inherits her family’s newspaper, but she must work with her enemy, David, to save it.

Minding Jackson: When her world is rocked by tragedy, Jane discovers that the man she least expected is the one who will help her weather the storm.

Love Restored: Rachel’s passionate night in Monaco with Alain may be her company’s downfall—or the best move she ever made.

Once Upon a Wish: A California surfer and a small-town pharmacist put an old fairy tale to the test.

The Unquiet Heart: Air Force Captain Libby Comerford must prove her mettle when she arrives at Misawa Air Base in Northern Japan, but she clashes—in more ways than one—with handsome Major Kojiro Yoshida.

Summer Promises: Actress Carly Foster says she’s done with the “drama trauma” of theatre romances—famous last words when she meets Asher Day.

No Secrets in Spandex: Allegations of drug use surround bike racer Jacob Hunter, and reporter Ariel Hays is ready to do anything to get that story—except reveal her own secrets.

Edie and the CEO: Championing the little guy gets Edie Rowan in delightful trouble with sexy CEO Everett Kirk.

The Marrying Kind: Professor Jane O’Hara takes a sabbatical to follow her bliss to a horse farm, but she doesn’t expect to find it with the owner’s son, Mark Hannon.

Romancing the Seas: Pippa Renshaw swaps her job in a prestigious London restaurant to head-chef on a cruise ship, where a mix-up means she rooms with her boss.

Sensuality Level: Sensual

See more at my website.