Monday, April 24, 2017

Cate Picked My #CHEAPDATE

This Cheap Date was picked by Cate Beaumont! I was lucky enough to hang out with a lot of my writer friends this past weekend so the next two reviews will be hand-picked for me by some fantastic ladies.

Cate, picked this one because “Momma needs a juice box”. I couldn’t agree more.

**IMPORTANT NOTE** I didn't wear makeup for this. So yes. Those are my bags. I earned those after all my hard work at the con yesterday.

Tonight’s juice is another boxed wine. This time by a company called Provisions. It’s a Cabernet Sauvignon. And the box says it’s “No 3061”. Sooooo…is this a limited edition? It does have cursive on the box.

They don’t even teach that in school anymore. Maybe they’re making it in cursive so the kids can’t read it, and won't know it's booze.

This drink is 12.5% Alcohol, and has red berries on the front of a recyclable package. We paid $4.99 from the nearest Kroger, and it was on sale. According to the box, this thing has three glasses of wine in it. They obviously pour wine very differently than I do.



FIRST SNIFF

The good part? Screw off top. This is a great bit of wine to travel with. No need to worry about finding a cork screw. Although with the folks I visit, that’s not usually a problem.

It smells very strongly of fruit. The side of the box says it’s “generous with blackberry and cassis flavors”. What the hell is cassis? Dammit. Now I have to google shit. This wine might be too damn fancy for me.

Wait…according to Wikipedia, Cassis is a tourist destination. Sooo…my wine tastes like tourists in France? Tourists are covered in sunscreen and sweat. That does not sound appealing. Or do French tourists taste different? Do I want to know what French tourists taste like?

Let’s travel a little further down the google page. We should give page 4 a chance every once in a while, right?

Wait…Cassis is a hashtag? I need to see this. Also…squirrel!

I don’t need to know what this stuff is. I like the idea that I’m drinking tourists. Let’s see how they pour.

FIRST POUR

These little boxes pour in an odd rhythmic piddle. It’s a deep ruby color and has nice drag on the glass. Still smells very strongly of fruit. And apparently French people.


FIRST SIP
NOT as sweet as it smells. Does this mean French tourists aren’t sweet?

But it does have a full-bodied flavor, and has the nice tummy warming slide down my throat. It’s got a great bite to the end of the sip, and I really enjoy it!







HUBBY TEST

Since I’ve had my hubby taste almost every wine, I figured I should have him try them as part of my review process going forward. He's free labor. 

Hubby sniffed the glass three times and grimaced before taking a drink. So basically he was a kid who knew he wasn’t going to like it from the beginning. Punk.

But he did try it and my sweet-drink loving hubby immediately demanded a palate cleanser and guzzled some mountain dew.

So…for my sweet lovers…this is not your jam.

FINAL VERDICT

I really enjoyed this one. And ya know what? Cate wanted me to have a juicebox. So…I’ll have my juicebox. Put this bastard in my lunch any day.

Just pack a straw and you're all set!


Thanks to Cate Beaumont for picking my Cheap Date for tonight, and if you want to enjoy more of her good taste, you can check out her book. Lucky Strike, Book 1 in the Lucky, Kentucky series is available now.

Congrats on the release, my friend. And thanks for momma’s juice box!


To find Roxy's books with buy links and what she has coming up next check out her website at RoxyRocksMe.com







Monday, April 3, 2017

Coloring in the lines?

Here's a real April Fools trick on me. As part of the second billionaire set I'm in, I'm required to get a coloring book page made for my story, for a giveaway prize.

I know they want beautiful artwork, so for me "get" translates into "pay someone else to draw it."

I never really got good a coloring in the lines.

Don't get me wrong--I love a well-colored page. My next door neighbor could color dragons and butterflies that looked ready to leap off the page. Those pictures made my heart sing.

Me? As a kid, I was more into scribbling the brightest colors I could in the general direction of the middle. Later, I took to drawing naughty parts on the models, lol.

What about you? Love to color? What are your favorite types pictures to bring to life?


Check out this great set! 7 stories, 99 pennies.
AmazonB&N

Saturday, April 1, 2017

New Line of Books Coming Soon!

Cover Art by Jayne Rylon
I'm super excited to announce a new venture I'm going to be undertaking.

After seeing the success of Adult Versions of Early Reader books like "Go The Fuck To Sleep", I've decided to re-release my books in a classic early reader book format!

I'm super excited to release the R-Rated Simple Language Romances!

Now...these books are definitely not for Children, but rather for the adult who wants to feel the innocence of childhood meshed with the quick read time of picture books.

I'm still looking for an illustrator, but without further ado, I'd like to give you the first installment of the series.

This is "Virgin on Human" in Early Reader format. Enjoy!






See Coral. See Coral clean. See Coral clean the palace. Coral doesn't need sleep. Coral is a robot.

See Quinn. See Quinn dance. See Quinn dance with Coral. Coral likes dancing. Coral meets new friends. Where did her new friends go? Coral decides she likes Quinn best.

Quinn takes Coral back to the palace. Coral's body is happy. Coral takes off her clothes to show Quinn. Quinn doesn't know what to do. Quinn decides to help Coral.

Coral likes Quinn. Quinn likes Coral. They run to the cabin to "play" together. Coral likes to play without clothes.

The DMA catches Coral. Quinn is angry. Quinn rescues Coral from the DMA. 

Quinn was sad before he met Coral. Coral makes Quinn happy again. Coral reminds Quinn being different is okay. They can be different together.

Quinn and Coral live happily ever after.

THE END. 




Well? What do you think? Do you think I've got a hit on my hands? I bet I could have some fun with the art for the Hart Clan too.

Which book should I transcribe next? And should I turn them into audio books? I'd love your feedback!

~Roxy

To find Roxy's books with buy links and what she has coming up next check out her website at RoxyRocksMe.com

Monday, March 20, 2017

4 Authors. 7 Stories. Lots of Smexy Pranks for April Fool's Day.






The April Fools For Love Boxset is HERE!







This is the third year we've celebrated April Fool's Day with our blog. And as our thank you to all of you who have hung around with us, the Lusty Linguists grabbed 7 of our April Fool's For Love stories and bundled them together for one great price.


We've partnered with Drakon Press to bring you an Amazon Exclusive bundle.

99 cents gets you over 500 pages of snark, snickers, and spice.

Or if you have Kindle Unlimited, you can read these stories for FREE!

If you've missed some of our stories, now is the time to grab them all for the price of one! Need to check your library? Here are the titles included with this set.

From Roxy Mews

Bottled Up and When the Lights Go Out

From Mary Hughes

Cin Wikkid and Biting Serendipity

From S.L. Carpenter

Toy Story and Fringe Benefits

From Kayleigh Malcolm

Must Love Menage



This Amazon Exclusive deal won't last long. Grab your copy, and gift one to a friend!


Have you read these stories? Did you get any ideas on how to mess with your friends and co-workers?

Tell us your April Fool's Day plans. And if you don't have any plans this April Fool's Day, might we suggest settling in with a good book...or seven. ;)


~Roxy






Monday, March 13, 2017

The bottle is winking at me... #CHEAPDATE

Winking Owl Shiraz 

This, my dear financially strapped lushes, is THE cheapest wine I have tested for my Cheap Date series.

Aldi…the mutha-effing king of cheap booze, has this bottle for an every day price of $2.89 at my local store. (obviously, shit is cheaper in Indiana that the coastal cities. We have no water so we get cheap booze. Priorities.)

The nice thing about Aldi wine…it also has this handy label on the back so we know what the flavor will be like…if it’s sweet or dry…what temperature…

SHIT!

Mother effing shit. This is supposed to be at room temp, and I put the damn thing in my wine fridge again. Shit. I need to stop buying room temperature wines. I’m obviously incapable of having this stuff warm.

Okay. I don’t care. I’m trying it anyway.

Again…there’s no pull tab, twist off cap, or anything like that. Here’s an improviser’s tip. No seal cutter? Put the corkscrew sideways against the underside of the lip of the bottle and stab it over and over.

Step 1. Stab Seal.
Step 2. Peel like it's no big deal.


See? Sure you still could stab yourself, but it’s a smaller point. That means less chance of hitting a major artery, right?



FIRST IMPRESSIONS

There’s a cork. So obviously it’s a quality wine. (Yes. Cork Equals Quality. You know that by now.)

At this point, hubby wakes up from his nap and decides to make a smoothie right where I am working on this blog. He has to argue about which fruit is the smoothie fruit. I guess this gives the wine a chance to get to the right temperature… *grumble*

For real. He interrupted my wine time for fruit.
Okay. The wine is definitely room temp now. How long does it take to make a fucking smoothie?

Anyway….



FIRST POUR

There’s a little bit of bubble action at the top, and the drag on the glass has a few pits in it.

It might be time to be worried. Still not as heinous looking as the sangria though. That shit still haunts me.

The bottle says there should be a “hint of spice”.  It smells really bold to me. Maybe it’s my mayo lifestyle.

Time to try it.



FIRST SIP

This has the warmth in the back of my throat, the hint of fruit and no harsh bite to speak of. It’s like a breath of warm happiness.

This isn’t a gulp wine. It’s more of a laugh with friends while you make dinner kind of wine.

Or in my case, type out your opinion while your hubby completes the final boss fight in Final Fantasy, after munching on carrots and tater tots.




FINAL VERDICT

I’m pouring another glass. I dig it. I think I like the white I tried last time a bit better, but this is a great sipping wine.

Hubby didn’t weigh in on this one. Partly because it’s a dry wine, and mostly because he got in my damn way while making a smoothie.

Thumbs up for the wine. Thumbs down for the smoothie interruptus.
Pouring more!
...lots more.





So far I have come to the conclusion that Aldi is where shit goes down as far as cheap wine. I have also been told Trader Joe's is great, but there's not one terribly close to me. Where else should I go shopping for a deal? Feel free to tweet me your finds @RoxyMews.

Until next bottle...


~Roxy



To find Roxy's books with buy links and what she has coming up next check out her website at RoxyRocksMe.com